Magic Autumn Green Juice (Apple, Pear, Chard, Cucumber)

Green juice. It's a very upper-middle-class-white-society-trendy. You know it is. We white folks LOVE juicing. Green juice is just one example of expensive things that white people like and judge other people for not liking/having. We white folks really enjoy feeling like we're being socially conscious examples. Really we're just fooling ourselves into believing that our consumer choices make a difference socially/politically/environmentally. (Hint: they don't).

I've been watching Orange Is The New Black, and I can't get it out of my head. There is a good amount of making fun of white-people culture. It is so poignant and just hilarious. Now, all races get poked at, but -- being a "nice white lady" -- the white-people jokes just kill me. 

The scenes where Piper -- the "nice white lady" main character -- and her fiancee are chatting about juice cleanses are so REAL. (These scenes are juxtaposed with scenes of Piper starving most unintentionally in prison.) Logan and I have had those conversations. We've done varying amounts of juice cleansing in our lives. We talk about "needing to cleanse." Our tummies DO need to rest every once and a while (I strongly believe this). But it has to be said: we're "cleansing" while people are starving. We're making "conscious consumer choices" when we could be donating our time to socially conscious causes.

Now, "feeling guilty" about consumer choices and trend-following is just another white-people-thing. So, I'll tell you right now, I don't feel guilty for being a nutrition and foodie trend-nerd. And when I juice, I usually just do it at home, often with fruits and veg we get for free from our jobs -- the unwanted leftover produce at the end of the day -- and from our garden. 

But I am disillusioned with the self-righteous culture of self-denial (and the guilt culture of indulgence). I eat what I like. I drink what I like. I am educated in which foods will make me feel awesome, and which foods will make me feel like poo. I eat french fries sometimes, and I also eat kale. I drink bourbon, and I drink green juice. It's not contradictory: it's life. 

With that said, I REALLY like this juice recipe. It's hydrating and sweet and packed with yummy green nutrients that make me feel vibrant. I just love a touch of pear in my juice, and this particularly recipe uses some early season apples, pear, cucumber and chard (though collard is pictured, and a great substitution). I drink it first thing in the morning, as the juice seems to release extra waste (read: makes you poo) straight away. 

It's the POO RELEASER!!!

Magic Autumn Green Juice (Apple, Pear, Chard, Cucumber)

makes one large juice

  • 2 green apples

  • 1 bosc pear

  • 3 leaves rainbow chard

  • 2 cucumbers

  • 4 cubes ice, for serving (optional)

  • lemon slice, for serving (optional)


  1. Mix all of your ingredients in your juicer. Pour finished juice into your favorite glass. Enjoy!